I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize