Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
