yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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