if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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