At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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