i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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