So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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