We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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