it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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