First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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