She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
