just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
The best revenge is premature balding
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
