I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
