My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
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