I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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