I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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