the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
