what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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