Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
