remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You have to summon your inner elephant
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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