you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
