would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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