My first STD was from a foam party
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
