A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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