Ketchup is God's man juice
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
