fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
