Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
