i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Even my vagina gasped.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
