I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
