My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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