i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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