I wannas sexs uuuuu
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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