Plan B is the new Plan A
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
