Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
