im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
