God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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