I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
