Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
