My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
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I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
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i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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