Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
my poor anus
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
