Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
