Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
