Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
