Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
