I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
