At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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