From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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