Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
