she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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