i just wanna soil my oats bro
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
