So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My dick has a subreddit
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
