I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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