Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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