he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
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This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
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In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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