it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
