She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
