Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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