can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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