No stitches, just platelets and will power
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
