ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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