I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
