I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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