I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
