can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
