Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
