Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
