Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
it hurts more in the daytime
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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