He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
