Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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