The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
