My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
