she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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