she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i will never coherently bang her
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
