yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
don't judge my taste in strippers
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
