WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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