We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
