god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
