im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
